Update!

First of all I wanted to tell y'all that something very exciting (and nerve wracking!) happened! I compiled my PPD story and posted it to Groupthink, a small community on the Jezebel website. Not long after I posted it, one of the sites main authors shared my story to the front page! They even posted it on their Facebook page! It was definitely a whirlwind. I got over a hundred of the nicest and most supportive comments, and I tried to respond to all of them. I also got a handful of negative comments from complete jerks who thought it was appropriate to suggest that I should have gotten an abortion, that I didn't really have PPD and was just irresponsible, etc. Those definitely got to me, but they were so few in the torrent of positivity that I've been able to just forget them.

As of right now the story has over 28 THOUSAND page views and most excitingly, if you google "post partum depression" right now, my story is the first to show up under the "News" tab! If just one struggling mother finds my story and takes solace in it, then sharing the entire painful experience was more than worth it. I'm still pretty shocked about the whole thing really.

My nausea has really gotten out of hand which is the main reason why I haven't been posting as regularly. I had an appointment with my GI on Monday and he told me to double my dose of domperidone and he scheduled me for a nuclear gastric emptying scan in two weeks- I can do this now that I've weaned R. The Smartpill test I did a few months ago said that my stomaching emptying time was normal (for that day anyway) but that my colon transit time was more than 20 hours longer than usual. My doctor specializes more in the stomach than the colon so if my nuclear test comes back ok he's going to refer me to a different doctor.

But I'm pretty sure it's not normal to taste your food for more than 6 hours after you eat it, so I'm pretty sure something is wrong with my stomach- it's just my dumb luck that these tests never show anything. All I can do right now is play the waiting game and try to survive the next two weeks. I've also doubled my nausea meds but they seem to be losing effectiveness. It's high time I try a liquid diet, but lord knows that's the last thing I'd ever want to do. I have to try though. :/

I am marooned at my house right now because my car decided it hates me and the transmission went out. That car gave us no problems and then it hit 100,000 miles and totally went to shit. N isn't quite sure what we're going to do with it yet, but I have a sneaking suspicion it's going to need a new tranny. What I'd really like to do is set it on fire, along with the four other cars sitting in the driveway that don't work. N is currently putting a motor in another Commander that he bought for cheap from a customer and hopefully that will go smooth enough so that I can drive that Commander until my Commander is fixed, haha. I hate cars. I hate cars so much.

I didn't think it was going to start so soon but the War and Peace book club has kicked off! I'm about 40 pages in and HOLY SHIT this book is fucking MASSIVE. Way bigger than the Brothers Karamazov, which I also thought was fucking massive. So far so good though. We'll see what my tune is in 10 years when I finally finish it.

 

I am expecting a very exciting package today and I am not going to tell you about it until it comes because I'm cruel and vindictive.

 

Well that's all for now. I'm going to continue laying on the floor and crying while reading War and Peace- which is literally how I've spent my entire day so far. (My mom drove R to dance this morning because our car is broken, and when dance was over R goes "No go to mama's house, go to Gigi's house!" so my kind mother is letting her spend the day there.)