Wednesday Whatevers

- Well I did it. I finally withdrew R from dance. After a wonderful recital, she refused to even step in the studio without screaming today. She was distracting the other little dancers and disrupting everything. I just sent an e-mail to her instructor to withdraw her. She loves dance and this hurts me, but either she's not ready for it emotionally or she doesn't know how to behave and those are issues we're going to have to figure out.

- The beginning of the year was terrible. April was terrible, May was not much better, and I had high hopes for June. So far it's been just as terrible. Maybe it's just this whole year. It's hard to be optimistic and keep saying "things will get better, things have to get better" and then they don't or get worse. I'm exhausted.

- Yesterday started my second medication transition of the year. Med transitions are really difficult emotionally and physically, and this one is particularly difficult because I have to be off my medication for two weeks before starting a new one because there could be a deadly interaction. I'm also crushed because I was so, so looking forward to being on this medication again. The first time I tried it, it was wonderful and this time it's not doing anything but send me into hypertension.

- My doctor wants me to try Prozac and I feel like I've come full circle in trying medications. Prozac seems to be the original, quintessential anti-depressant and yet I've never tried it before. I've tried many other SSRI's (drugs in the same class) and have never had much success but now, the pickings are slim on what to try. He's prescribing it with a weight loss drug called phentermine which he hopes will be slightly activating (since I struggle so severely with hypersomnia) and he also believes it will prolong the effects of the Prozac. Every SSRI I've taken before has stopped working at some point or other, and I'm so damn tired of all these changes I'd like to be on something for awhile.

- I don't even want to talk about my stomach.

- I guess if you can't tell, I'm depressed. Or to put it technically, in an extended depressive cycle of Bipolar Disorder. It's funny because Summers are usually my best times. Last year I fell into a deep depression all Summer after the emotional let-down of graduating from college, and this year, well, I don't know. I think all these health problems and having to stay home with R (which isn't very fun) are just getting to me. I've been trying to formulate a post about this but it's been hard. I don't want to drag everyone down, but I do want to be honest. I'll try and work on something.