Happy New Year! Again!

Today is the first day of the Chinese new year, and I've decided that I want today to be my "New Year" as opposed to the first of the month. Because if the way January has gone is a harbinger of the year to come, I'm in trouble. I was hoping this week would be better than last week, and in a way it was and in a way it wasn't. My GI issues and withdrawals have been going back and forth, but I've felt myself slipping into a bottomless depression.

Before I decided to wean off Lexapro, I said to myself "this medication isn't doing anything, I doubt I'll feel any different mentally when I'm off it." And of course I was wrong. Very wrong. (I did the same thing with my thyroid meds last year and that was a DISASTER!) A lot of the issues that are always burning at the back of my mind have made their way to the front; becoming impossible to ignore. Sometimes I feel myself slipping away. It's been dark.


R had a great week with her Gigi. My mom took her to a lot of fun kid places, and R even had her very first sleepover last night and did awesome. We weren't planning on her sleeping over, but it started to snow badly and it just made sense to leave her there overnight. It was my first time being away from her for that long and I definitely missed her, though the feeling was certainly not mutual. She didn't want to leave Gigis and has had quite the 'tude (especially towards me) all day. I'm pretty exasperated, but that's par for the course with a 2 1/2 year old.

I have another post in the works about being a mom and having mental illness. I'm going off of some of the negative comments that I got on my AD/ PPD story, and it's been hard to deal with. Right now I am in the worst possible place to be writing such an article, so although I want to get it done in order to share it, I'm going to put it aside for the time being. I have a lot to think about.

I bought some fun things to put out for Valentines Day, and my goal for tomorrow is to tidy up and put them out so I can take pictures. (All the bagged up Christmas stuff STILL needs to be put in the tubs that are STILL in the crawl space- and then they need to go back in the crawl space, haha.) It's the little things and I'm taking it one day at a time. I hope you've all been well!


Darby Smart and the ugliest cupcakes I've ever made...


When I saw that this month's Darby Smart box was going to include a cupcake kit from Sprinkles I knew that I needed to try it. Especially when I saw the half-off for first time subscribers coupon. We had a difficult and boring week last week, so when I saw that my box was set to be delivered on Saturday I talked up making cupcakes to R big time. She was so excited she screamed when the box came. Bless her little heart.


Sunday Social


1. How old were you when you started wearing makeup?
I believe it was 8th grade when I finally got interested in makeup/ was allowed to wear it. I'm sporting some tasteful blue eyeshadow in my 8th grade school picture and had been fresh faced the year before.

2. What are your top 3 favorite beauty products?
I did a post a few weeks about about my favorite beauty products, but to rehash I'll go with
Bobbi Brown, Long-Wear Gel Eyeliner (Black Ink): I feel naked if I don't line my waterline, and this is my go-to liner for that. It applies easily with a small brush and has excellent staying power for being applied on the waterline.

Supergoop!, Daily Correct SPF 35 CC Cream: This is definitely my favorite Birchbox discovery. My skin has been awful lately and I wanted to try something "better" for my skin than foundation. I tried a few other BB creams including the Urban Decay one, and none of them had enough coverage. This one however has been absolutely perfect and matches my skin tone very well.

Urban Decay, Naked Basics Palette: This palette has it all. All the perfect colors for a subtle smokey eye, a basic black, and a brown color that is perfect for brow lining.

3. What is one makeup product you don't leave home without?
I actually never bring makeup with me unless I haven't applied it and need to do it in the car (when I'm not the one driving of course.)

4. What is your daily beauty routine?
I don't have a daily one because most days I don't usually wear any makeup. I'm just too lazy and don't always leave the house. When I do it up right I put on CC cream, powder foundation, bronzer and highlighter to contour (though I'm no pro), then I line my waterline, apply black eyeliner (I love me some black eyeliner), some sort of bronze eyeshadow combination, then mascara primer and mascara.

Plus this always happens.

5. What is your favorite hair/makeup product you've discovered in the last year?
Probably the Supergoop! CC cream. I have been able to find out about and try all kind of new makeup/ skin/ hair products thanks to subscription boxes, but there aren't many things that I use in my normal beauty routine.

The struggle is real.

Small Victory Saturday

Another week has gone by and I've lived to tell the tale! This week was much more difficult than last week, so I've had fewer victories. But I'm trying to tell myself that I'm glad I've had them at all.

- This was my first week completely off Lexapro! Sunday was my last day after a month of slow tapering, and while I didn't feel too bad during the tapering, it's hit me pretty hard now. It's hard to tell what is me feeling like crap from my stomach issues and what is me feeling like crap from withdrawals, but I've had a major brain fog/ ache that I know is from withdrawals. It's a very strange and unpleasant feeling- it's almost out-of-body, and you feel drunk and light-headed and dizzy and weak, and it also hurts. I'm hoping it gets better instead of worse this next week because I have to wait another week before getting on a new medication since I'm going from an SSRI to an MAOI.

- N bought me broth at the store as well as Boost and Ensure shakes, and for the last three days I've stuck to a liquid diet during the day. I get a little pain/ nausea after I drink a shake (the hot broth was a no-go), but it's not as bad as when I eat solid food. I cheated the past two nights, one for a special reason and one because I thought I could handle a burger last night- and last night was stupid.

- But the special reason I cheated two nights ago was because I finally got to see my best friend Megan again! We hadn't seen each other since R's birthday party LAST MAY because she's been crazy busy, and I've been sick and anti-social, haha. We went to a delicious sushi place and I got miso soup, a California roll, and a tempura banana split that I shouldn't have eaten but was too good not to get. Seeing her was a huge victory!

- Earlier in the week I called two different doctors all by myself, haha. This probably sounds so crazy to everyone but I have major phone anxiety and especially hate calling doctors. But I scheduled a long overdue thyroid ultrasound for Monday, and my nuclear gastric emptying test for the Monday after that. 

- This is also going to sound really weird, but I started reading War and Peace for the online book club, and we were supposed to read the first 40 pages- and I'm about 170 in so far, haha. I just can't put it down! I'm in the second part now which is dealing with war, so I've slowed down a bit, but I'm totally shocked at how interesting it is. It'd be totally unreadable without my Kindle because there are huge sections in french, but my Kindle pulls up all the translations as well as footnotes right there on the page! I still have more than a thousand pages to go so I don't think my reading ahead will put me too far ahead of the pack in the coming weeks (months/ years?!)

- R has been very good all week considering how I've been feeling and we're both anxiously awaiting the arrival of first Darby Smart package that has a kit to make Sprinkles cupcakes.  I definitely should not eat any of those but I definitely will, haha.

Hope y'all had a good week!


I'm hosting a Disney Side party!

So that mystery package I was teasing you about yesterday actually came today- I wasn't holding out on you on purpose! ;)

But before I'll show you the pictures I'll tell you what this is all about. A few months ago I got an e-mail from Mom Select asking if I'd like to enter to be chosen to host some sort of party for Disney. I was like, why the hell not I'm sure they won't pick me anyway, so I sent in my info. Well a few weeks ago I got an e-mail saying that I had actually been selected to throw a party, and that Disney was going to send me a kit with which to do it.

Now you know my stance on free stuff, I LOVE it, but I'll be totally honest right now- I'm not the biggest Disney fan. I absolutely despise the "Disney Princess" machine, and there's plenty of other stuff I find problematic. I'm not anti-Disney by a long shot, and despite some of my reservations, some of R's favorite movies are Toy Story and Cars. I've also let her watch vintage Mickey Mouse cartoons on YouTube (spurring a love affair) and those contain plenty of family friendly racism, sexism, violence, etc.

But I agreed to throw this party, and throw it I shall- although it will be much more of a glorified play date, because this mama needs to save her resources for R's third (!!!) birthday party in May. Anyway, here's is what they sent me:




First of all I wanted to tell y'all that something very exciting (and nerve wracking!) happened! I compiled my PPD story and posted it to Groupthink, a small community on the Jezebel website. Not long after I posted it, one of the sites main authors shared my story to the front page! They even posted it on their Facebook page! It was definitely a whirlwind. I got over a hundred of the nicest and most supportive comments, and I tried to respond to all of them. I also got a handful of negative comments from complete jerks who thought it was appropriate to suggest that I should have gotten an abortion, that I didn't really have PPD and was just irresponsible, etc. Those definitely got to me, but they were so few in the torrent of positivity that I've been able to just forget them.
As of right now the story has over 28 THOUSAND page views and most excitingly, if you google "post partum depression" right now, my story is the first to show up under the "News" tab! If just one struggling mother finds my story and takes solace in it, then sharing the entire painful experience was more than worth it. I'm still pretty shocked about the whole thing really.

My nausea has really gotten out of hand which is the main reason why I haven't been posting as regularly. I had an appointment with my GI on Monday and he told me to double my dose of domperidone and he scheduled me for a nuclear gastric emptying scan in two weeks- I can do this now that I've weaned R. The Smartpill test I did a few months ago said that my stomaching emptying time was normal (for that day anyway) but that my colon transit time was more than 20 hours longer than usual. My doctor specializes more in the stomach than the colon so if my nuclear test comes back ok he's going to refer me to a different doctor.
But I'm pretty sure it's not normal to taste your food for more than 6 hours after you eat it, so I'm pretty sure something is wrong with my stomach- it's just my dumb luck that these tests never show anything. All I can do right now is play the waiting game and try to survive the next two weeks. I've also doubled my nausea meds but they seem to be losing effectiveness. It's high time I try a liquid diet, but lord knows that's the last thing I'd ever want to do. I have to try though. :/

I am marooned at my house right now because my car decided it hates me and the transmission went out. That car gave us no problems and then it hit 100,000 miles and totally went to shit. N isn't quite sure what we're going to do with it yet, but I have a sneaking suspicion it's going to need a new tranny. What I'd really like to do is set it on fire, along with the four other cars sitting in the driveway that don't work. N is currently putting a motor in another Commander that he bought for cheap from a customer and hopefully that will go smooth enough so that I can drive that Commander until my Commander is fixed, haha. I hate cars. I hate cars so much.

I didn't think it was going to start so soon but the War and Peace book club has kicked off! I'm about 40 pages in and HOLY SHIT this book is fucking MASSIVE. Way bigger than the Brothers Karamazov, which I also thought was fucking massive. So far so good though. We'll see what my tune is in 10 years when I finally finish it.
I am expecting a very exciting package today and I am not going to tell you about it until it comes because I'm cruel and vindictive.
Well that's all for now. I'm going to continue laying on the floor and crying while reading War and Peace- which is literally how I've spent my entire day so far. (My mom drove R to dance this morning because our car is broken, and when dance was over R goes "No go to mama's house, go to Gigi's house!" so my kind mother is letting her spend the day there.)


Conquering the Classics: A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man

A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man by James Joyce


*Phew* Ok, this book took a lot longer than I had originally anticipated at only 250 pages. Between the two weeks of fevers I just wasn't making progress in this book like I wanted to, and that really hampered my enjoyment of it. Anyway, A Portrait of the Artist is a semi-autobiographical novel about the author James Joyce by way of a fictional alter ego. It's a reflection on religion (a big ol' heaping of Catholic guilt!), esthetics, artistry, poetry, lust, and unrequited love. Although I often have a hard time reading modernist literature (of which the Brothers Karamazov was a precursor), I found the ample poetry in this book to be quite beautiful. I also learned a bit about Ireland and what it was like in the early 1900s- which is when this book was set. I've read a good deal of literature in my life, but I can't recall having read any other Irish authors. I'll be interested to see how I enjoy the other Joyce work on my list, the infamous Ulysses- I hear it's a doozy. But despite my troubles I truly enjoyed this book.

Are you not weary of ardent ways,
Lure of the fallen seraphim?
Tell no more of enchanted days.

Your eyes have set man’s heart ablaze
And you have had your will of him.
Are you not weary of ardent ways?

Above the flame the smoke of praise
Goes up from ocean rim to rim.
Tell no more of enchanted days.

Our broken cries and mournful lays
Rise in one eucharistic hymn.
Are you not weary of ardent ways?

While sacrificing hands upraise
The chalice flowing to the brim,
Tell no more of enchanted days.

And still you hold our longing gaze
With languorous look and lavish limb!
Are you not weary of ardent ways?
Tell no more of enchanted days.

My rating:
Although I wanted to proceed down my list alphabetically I'm joining an online book club that is going to read War and Peace. Before that starts I'm going to give myself a break and try to crank out the Time Machine!

My Battle With AD/ PPD Part Four: "I love you too much."

This is the story of my battle with depression during pregnancy (antenatal depression), and post-partum depression. As I have stated before, these are feelings that I wish I never had felt. This is not the way I wanted either my pregnancy or post-partum experience to go. But this was my reality, and I am not going to sugar coat it. That doesn’t do anyone any good. I have decided to share this for the benefit of other women, especially those who may be going through, or have gone through similar experiences. While I was in the midst of my battle with PPD I desperately searched the internet for stories of experiences like mine, and came up with only a few results.
This was not easy to write, and I suspect it’s not going to be easy to read. But the ending, though still in progress, is a happy one. This should be a story of hope and preservation as opposed to one of sadness and bitterness, and I hope that it touches you.


Sunday Social


From the BEST burger place ever- Juicy Burger!

 1. Top 3 favorite kinds of food
- Burgers
- Duck (yum!)
- Pretty much anything with cheese, ESPECIALLY GOAT CHEESE!!!

2. First 3 things you do in the morning
- Get R out of her crib
- Try to get R to fall back asleep with me
- Check my phone

3. Last 3 things you do at night
- Read
- Drink water
- Check my phone

4. 3 TV shows you NEVER miss
-  Tosh.0
- Any tattoo competition show

 5. 3 places you want to visit
- Hawaii
- Eastern Europe
- Peru

6. 3 people you can always count on
- N
- My mom
- N's mom and sister who are the best ever!

P.S. For anyone visitng from the link-up, I'd love it if you checked out the series I've posted on Antenatal/ Post-Partum depression. It's not finished, but the first three parts are up!

Subscriptions: Citrus Lane January 2014 Review


Subscriptions: Birchbox January 2014


Small Victory Saturday


When you have depression/ anxiety just getting out of bed in the morning and surviving another day is a check in the win column.What many consider simple tasks can prove insurmountable, and the inability to conquer these tasks can lead to further depression/ anxiety- creating a vicious cycle. When you're depressed/ anxious and also the primary caretaker of a child, things get a little more complicated. Not only do you have to wake up in the mornings, but you also have to care for the child as best you can. And the guilt associated with trying to raise a child while you yourself struggle with mental health issues is tremendous.

I learned long ago that it's not just ok, but important to celebrate the small victories in life. To take one day at a time, accomplish what you can and move on to the next day. That's why I decided to take a day every week to reflect on my small victories here- so that I can remind myself of what I have accomplished, and show others that it's ok to not be able to do it all.

So here goes:

- I wrote out and have almost finished my feature on Antenatal/ Post-Partum depression. It's been a difficult thing to share but I'm glad I have.

- I finished a particularly time consuming craft for my friend's baby shower. It was a true labor of love and I'm very excited to give it to her.

- I got R to dance class both days this week! My mom had to drive us yesterday but that's only because my car hasn't been working.

- I finally got down all the Christmas decorations in the living room (I like to have them down before the New Year but having everyone hit with the flu pushed that to the back-burner) and cleaned/ re-arranged it. I added two new pieces to the mantle that I really like and will post pictures of soon. I still need to put the Christmas decorations back in their boxes but I'm waiting for N to get the boxes out of the crawl space.
- I cleaned off my vanity and put all my makeup back. I make such a mess every time I get ready (which thankfully isn't every day) and sometimes the mess multiplies on itself until it's totally out of control.

- I cleaned my office, and cleaned it "Lauren style" which means every surface got scrubbed and every item got put back very precisely in it's very precise place. ;)

- I'm working on cleaning out the nursery today. And laundry too! Hopefully I haven't been premature in placing them in my victory column.

- R is happy, healthy (thankfully she's feeling better!) and never lacks for attention. And that is all that really matters. :)


My Battle With AD/ PPD Part Three: "I felt nothing."

This is the story of my battle with depression during pregnancy (antenatal depression), and post-partum depression. As I have stated before, these are feelings that I wish I never had felt. This is not the way I wanted either my pregnancy or post-partum experience to go. But this was my reality, and I am not going to sugar coat it. That doesn’t do anyone any good. I have decided to share this for the benefit of other women, especially those who may be going through, or have gone through similar experiences. While I was in the midst of my battle with PPD I desperately searched the internet for stories of experiences like mine, and came up with only a few results.
This was not easy to write, and I suspect it’s not going to be easy to read. But the ending, though still in progress, is a happy one. This should be a story of hope and preservation as opposed to one of sadness and bitterness, and I hope that it touches you.


My Battle With AD/ PPD Part Two: "There was nothing I could do."

This is the story of my battle with depression during pregnancy (antenatal depression), and post-partum depression. As I have stated before, these are feelings that I wish I never had felt. This is not the way I wanted either my pregnancy or post-partum experience to go. But this was my reality, and I am not going to sugar coat it. That doesn’t do anyone any good. I have decided to share this for the benefit of other women, especially those who may be going through, or have gone through similar experiences. While I was in the midst of my battle with PPD I desperately searched the internet for stories of experiences like mine, and came up with only a few results.
This was not easy to write, and I suspect it’s not going to be easy to read. But the ending, though still in progress, is a happy one. This should be a story of hope and preservation as opposed to one of sadness and bitterness, and I hope that it touches you.
Back to Part 1

Subscriptions: Ipsy January 2014


Subscriptions: Treatsie January 2014

A Health Update

Here is some of what’s going on right now:

- The anti-depressant I was taking, 20mg of Lexapro, completely pooped out (I actually believe that is the scientific term.) I have been on it since my third trimester of pregnancy, and while it never worked particularly well, it’s not working at all right now.

- Because of this I am weaning off the medicine. I spent a week at 15mg, another week at 10mg, and am currently taking 5mg. Next week I will hopefully stop taking it completely. Anti-depressant withdrawals can be similar to those of addictive prescriptions such as opiates and benzos, hard drugs, and alcohol. When I weaned off the anti-depressant Effexor in the spring of 2009 I was bedridden with withdrawals for months. Lexapro isn’t as bad, but I have to tread lightly for physical and emotional reasons.

- My thyroid medication ran out last week, and the pharmacist has been trying to contact my doctor for over a week and a half to get a simple refill. The pharmacy has called them four times only to be met with radio silence, and N has called them 3 times only to get the run-around and answering machines that he doesn’t get responses from. He was told yesterday that they “lost” my refill request each of the four times it was sent to them, and now they want to look at my last labs to write new prescriptions, which doesn’t make sense because I’m always come in to adjust my dose. I am livid beyond words about this and am considering complaining to the Colorado Medical Board. Thankfully I have an appointment with a new doctor later today.

- My hypothyroidism is no joke. It’s very severe, and without my medication I have zero energy, no metabolism (which doesn’t help with the gastroparesis), my body temperature freaks out, I get shaky and dizzy, and the list goes on and on. This is especially a problem because…

- I am finally weaning R. I haven’t nursed her in 4 or 5 days now so all those hormones are decreasing rapidly which is throwing my body further into chaos. I didn’t want to wean her yet, but it’s been a pretty mutual decision and it’s something that I have no choice but to do in order to get on a new medication after I wean off the Lexapro. My mental health has deteriorated to the point where he maybe once-a-day nursing is no longer worth it to either of us if I can’t get back on my med.

- My gastroparesis seems to be worsening each day and not only is being constantly nauseous not fun, but it’s also causing me multiple panic attack a day. This isn’t helped by the fact that my anti-depressant doesn’t work, or that my hormones are going crazy so you can imagine how fun this all is. I have an appointment with my GI doctors next Monday so I’ll be tentatively looking forward to that.

- I am STILL recovering from the flu (still coughing, full of snot, and my voice isn’t back to 100%) and there are also stomach “flu” germs lurking around our house.

- And R has been her usual trying self. Today she woke up and the first thing she did was start SCREAMING because she was wearing owl jammies (that she picked out herself last night) and wanted dog jammies. Trying to parent an easy child with all this other stuff going on would be really difficult, trying to parent a very difficult child with all this going on might just send me to a padded cell.

Anyway, this is the reason my house is a disaster. I can’t remember the last time I cooked. I don’t have plans for any fun crafts (and Valentine’s Day is less than a month away!) I’ve been thinking of nothing of lying in bed all day and sleeping, all the while mechanically going through the motions of taking care of my tiny overlord.

As I was having a panic attack last night in bed, I asked Nate if things were ever going to get any better/ easier. I told him I couldn’t ever remember a time when things we’re ok, and that I didn’t feel like they were going to get any better. He re-assured me that we just have to battle my illnesses in a different way, and that things would get better. I’m not sure if I believe him, but dammit I am trying to!


My Battle With AD/ PPD Part One: "But I don't feel pregnant!"

This is the story of my battle with depression during pregnancy (antenatal depression), and post-partum depression. As I have stated before, these are feelings that I wish I never had felt. This is not the way I wanted either my pregnancy or post-partum experience to go. But this was my reality, and I am not going to sugar coat it. That doesn’t do anyone any good. I have decided to share this for the benefit of other women, especially those who may be going through, or have gone through similar experiences. While I was in the midst of my battle with PPD I desperately searched the internet for stories of experiences like mine, and came up with only a few results.
This was not easy to write, and I suspect it’s not going to be easy to read. But the ending, though still in progress, is a happy one. This should be a story of hope and preservation as opposed to one of sadness and bitterness, and I hope that it touches you.


Subscriptions: Beauty Box 5 January 2014


On "One and Done"

A girl I follow on Instagram just gave birth to a beautiful little boy. The first few days of his life she posted picture after picture of him, gushing with the incredible love of a mother. Seeing her posts made me so happy. They also made my heart break.

Ever since R turned one, people have been asking us when we're going to have another baby. At first our answer was that we were going to wait and assess the situation in five years or so. Everyone told me I'd get baby fever long before then and that I'd change my mind. I wanted to punch everyone who’d say that and scream, "DON’T YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST WENT THROUGH? DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND HOW AWFUL IT ALL WAS?"

Before N and I got together I was very firm in the belief that I never wanted kids. You can ask my own mother, I'm the least maternal person she knows! Or at least I was. But I fell so crazy in love with N that something deep inside me yearned to have a family with him. He had always wanted kids and I wanted a tiny version of him whom I loved so much (BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR.)

I had my first (and only) bout of baby fever while we were engaged. I was two years from finishing college, we had an entire house to renovate, lots of money to save up, and I think the realization that we wouldn't be trying for a baby for a few years is what drove my longing. When I found out I was pregnant with R a switch immediately flipped and all desire for a baby- including the one inside me- vanished. But that is another post.

Now that R is coming up on her third birthday and has shown us her personality and energy level (!), we have decided that we are done. Barring the malfunction of my copper IUD of course. Knock on all the wood in the world! N will also get a vasectomy in a few years. Instead of my desire for another child growing, my desire for only one is cementing. And I feel at peace with this. I do.

But when I see the pictures of these sweet newborns and their loving mamas, it makes me both happy and sad inside. It makes me sad not because I long for another baby (I don't in the slightest), but because it makes me realize how much I missed out on with R- both during my pregnancy and when she was a newborn. I could not have changed my circumstances. If I could go back in time and try to re-live those long months everything would be the same. Everything that went wrong was out of my control. But honestly, you couldn't pay me a million dollars to relive one minute of my pregnancy or R's newborn period when I struggled with severe Post-Partum Depression and she had what can only be described as the colic from hell.

I feel cheated. I feel like I was robbed of something precious and invaluable. Depression/ anxiety and physical health issues have stolen so much from me over these past 25 years, and it just sucks goddammit. It sucks. And now we're done and there aren't going to be any do-overs. (Although I know that even if I did have another chance things would be just as difficult- if not more so- because of my worsening health issues and having to deal with R.)

I *am* grateful that I got to experience pregnancy at all. That I have a healthy, wonderful child. I will never take these facts for granted. In fact, the infertility of others is something that troubles my soul immensely- it is a huge source of guilt. Why me and not them? Those who deserve it. But no individual’s pain should lessen/ invalidate that of another. These are my feelings, and I have been hurt by the circumstances of my life.

This is not a subject I dwell on anymore. It gives me pause only infrequently, but it's something I wanted to share. I will be typing up a couple of posts regarding my pregnancy and newborn experience (i.e. depression during pregnancy and post-partum depression), and that will perhaps give you more insight into my hurt. I hope you'll stay tuned.

Subscriptions: Bonjour Jolie January 2014


The Sunday Currently

Wasn't too into the Sunday Social questions for today so I'm trying something a little different!



Still working on this! I haven't been able to make progress as quickly as normal since I've been so feverish lately. And James Joyce isn't really an author you want to read with your mind anything other than focused, haha.

Writing: Comments on Jezebel? Status updates on Facebook? I've been bad about doing actual writing lately. I've been working on a piece about my Post Partum Depression to share on Groupthink (a community on Jezebel) but I keep having to stop as it gets too raw. I'm going to make it a point to either finish it or scrap it this week. It's also a story I'd like to share here- I have many things lined up in my brain that I'd like to post about, but writing them out is never as easy as thinking about them!


How is this album already 11 freaking years old? I feel ancient. Regardless this will always be one of my favorite albums, and the music never ever gets old.

Thinking: So much to do and so little motivation! Welcome to my life. ;)

Smelling: The blueberry pancakes that N cooked for breakfast. He's the best!

Wishing: That I will be able to find some at-home wax strips today. My eyebrows are HOT MESS FOR REAL.

Hoping: That I can get into my GI doctor as soon as possible- after N calls them for me tomorrow.


Now you didn't think I was going to spend my Christmas money on something sensible now did you? What am I talking about this is hella sensible.

Loving: Above boots, cross stitching, Kleenex with lotion, my family.

Wanting: Everything in my Amazon shopping car that's been there forever. A dry vac, dry cleaning fluid (I've heard it works for hardcore stains!), a holder for my makeup palettes, and other stuff I don't even know I need yet.

Needing: Aren't wanting and needing the same thing? No? Not even close? Ok how about a turn around in my family's health.

Feeling: On the upswing from the flu, and PRAYING it stays this way!

Clicking: Crying laughing at this! I had no idea Vine was so freaking hilarious!


Friday Phone Dump


I got this new purse in the mail last Saturday but didn't see the package until Sunday, haha. Here is N modeling it! And yup, it's real! I saw a picture on Jezebel of the rapper Eve holding a similar purse, and one of the commenters said it was from the brand Jump From Paper. I got on eBay to check out the prices and was astounded/ excited to see them for less than $20! I bought one immediately... and then realized it was a knock-off. Oh well! It's still super fun.


I also learned how to cross stitch this week! I found this hilarious pattern on Subversive Cross Stitch and yup I'm pretty much in love with how delicately naughty it is! I can't wait tackle even more of their patterns. And yeah, everyone I know is getting cross stitch stuff for every holiday from now on. I'll probably down down the language for the relatives though, haha! ;)


I got my first two bottles of Enchanted Polish in the mail this week from eBay. It FAR AND AWAY the most expensive nail polish I've ever bough but it's fun just to have a couple. Enchanted makes the most gorgeous holographic polishes I've ever seen and I'm super excited about the ones I got- Kids (pictured) which is a purple/ teal holo, and October 2013 which is a grey holo. I'll be using that one next!

R had a great time staying with my parents. She took full advantage of being totally and completely spoiled, haha. R LOVES her Gigi, Poppy, and Auntie KK. It was a nice vacation for both of us, even though we missed N dearly.


R also decided that she'd rather nap/ sleep at night with me rather than in her crib, and I can't say I didn't totally love her cuddles!

Friday Somethings?

Friday... Thoughts?

We have had a crazy couple of weeks over here so I've been missing my usual link-ups left and right! Two weeks ago on the day before New Years Eve, Reg came down with the flu. Then N came down with it the next day. I thought I was safe having got a flu shot last year, and then a week later BAM! Full on influenza! I am still recovering even right now- in fact, N and R are still coughing as well. This was one nasty bug.

And speaking of nasty bugs, N came down with a stomach virus on Wednesday! I called him in the morning to see if he knew where my keys were (he always drives my car and puts my keys god knows where) and just by the tone of his voice I knew something was up. I asked him if he wasn't feeling well stomach-wise which is an unfortunately loaded question when it comes to me because of my emetephobia, but he tried to play it cool. He later admitted to me that he had been getting sick all day at work, and finally left around 4:30 (after getting there around 7!) only to get sick for the rest of the night. Poor guy!

While I was at dance with a misbehaving R he sent me a text and said "not to freak out" but he was going to be going home because he was feeling so awful. Now, this means something is serious because he went to work with the FLU with no complaints. I decided that after dance I'd run home and grab some stuff and then take R and myself (and Hank) over to my parent's house. You see, they have 8 very nice bathrooms in a very large house (with 2-3 people living there), and we have 1 not-very-nice bathroom in a fairly small house (with 2 1/2 people living there.)

Now I love my bathroom and my house very much (sometimes, haha) but when someone has a GI bug- which are always HIGHLY contagious- it's not a lot of fun to be stuck in a place where you can hear everything, and have no choice but to share the same bathroom. I figured we'd stay over until N felt better and then he could disinfect a little in hopes of saving R and I. We just got home and we'll see what happens...



Sunday Social


1. Do you plan to change any of your eating habits in the new year?

At some point I want to try going gluten free to see if it will help with my GI issues. We'll see how well that goes... (I type as I'm eating a tasty hunk of white bread.)

2. Any workout tips to get us back in shape after the Holidays?

From me?! Lol no.

3. What is your favorite thing you did over the Holidays?

Just spending time with N and R. I love it when he's home and we all get to hang out together.

4. What is something you hope that you accomplish in 2014 that you did not in 2013?

I would like to start running again but that will mean resolving my GI issues. I really hope to all hopes I can get things figured out.

5. Name 3 things happening this year you are excited about and why.

1) R is turning three! That means no more 'Terrible Twos" right?! RIGHT?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN THREE IS WORSE THAN TWO??!! *plus ears* LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!

2) Ummm, I have a phone upgrade in like, May?

3) I really can't think of anything specific because we have no plans. But that just means that the year will be full of surprises! (HOPEFULLY good surprises!)