Today is the first day of the Chinese new year, and I've decided that I want today to be my "New Year" as opposed to the first of the month. Because if the way January has gone is a harbinger of the year to come, I'm in trouble. I was hoping this week would be better than last week, and in a way it was and in a way it wasn't. My GI issues and withdrawals have been going back and forth, but I've felt myself slipping into a bottomless depression.
Before I decided to wean off Lexapro, I said to myself "this medication isn't doing anything, I doubt I'll feel any different mentally when I'm off it." And of course I was wrong. Very wrong. (I did the same thing with my thyroid meds last year and that was a DISASTER!) A lot of the issues that are always burning at the back of my mind have made their way to the front; becoming impossible to ignore. Sometimes I feel myself slipping away. It's been dark.
R had a great week with her Gigi. My mom took her to a lot of fun kid places, and R even had her very first sleepover last night and did awesome. We weren't planning on her sleeping over, but it started to snow badly and it just made sense to leave her there overnight. It was my first time being away from her for that long and I definitely missed her, though the feeling was certainly not mutual. She didn't want to leave Gigis and has had quite the 'tude (especially towards me) all day. I'm pretty exasperated, but that's par for the course with a 2 1/2 year old.
I have another post in the works about being a mom and having mental illness. I'm going off of some of the negative comments that I got on my AD/ PPD story, and it's been hard to deal with. Right now I am in the worst possible place to be writing such an article, so although I want to get it done in order to share it, I'm going to put it aside for the time being. I have a lot to think about.
I bought some fun things to put out for Valentines Day, and my goal for tomorrow is to tidy up and put them out so I can take pictures. (All the bagged up Christmas stuff STILL needs to be put in the tubs that are STILL in the crawl space- and then they need to go back in the crawl space, haha.) It's the little things and I'm taking it one day at a time. I hope you've all been well!