Here is some of what’s going on right now:
- The anti-depressant I was taking, 20mg of Lexapro, completely pooped out (I actually believe that is the scientific term.) I have been on it since my third trimester of pregnancy, and while it never worked particularly well, it’s not working at all right now.
- Because of this I am weaning off the medicine. I spent a week at 15mg, another week at 10mg, and am currently taking 5mg. Next week I will hopefully stop taking it completely. Anti-depressant withdrawals can be similar to those of addictive prescriptions such as opiates and benzos, hard drugs, and alcohol. When I weaned off the anti-depressant Effexor in the spring of 2009 I was bedridden with withdrawals for months. Lexapro isn’t as bad, but I have to tread lightly for physical and emotional reasons.
- My thyroid medication ran out last week, and the pharmacist has been trying to contact my doctor for over a week and a half to get a simple refill. The pharmacy has called them four times only to be met with radio silence, and N has called them 3 times only to get the run-around and answering machines that he doesn’t get responses from. He was told yesterday that they “lost” my refill request each of the four times it was sent to them, and now they want to look at my last labs to write new prescriptions, which doesn’t make sense because I’m always come in to adjust my dose. I am livid beyond words about this and am considering complaining to the Colorado Medical Board. Thankfully I have an appointment with a new doctor later today.
- My hypothyroidism is no joke. It’s very severe, and without my medication I have zero energy, no metabolism (which doesn’t help with the gastroparesis), my body temperature freaks out, I get shaky and dizzy, and the list goes on and on. This is especially a problem because…
- I am finally weaning R. I haven’t nursed her in 4 or 5 days now so all those hormones are decreasing rapidly which is throwing my body further into chaos. I didn’t want to wean her yet, but it’s been a pretty mutual decision and it’s something that I have no choice but to do in order to get on a new medication after I wean off the Lexapro. My mental health has deteriorated to the point where he maybe once-a-day nursing is no longer worth it to either of us if I can’t get back on my med.
- My gastroparesis seems to be worsening each day and not only is being constantly nauseous not fun, but it’s also causing me multiple panic attack a day. This isn’t helped by the fact that my anti-depressant doesn’t work, or that my hormones are going crazy so you can imagine how fun this all is. I have an appointment with my GI doctors next Monday so I’ll be tentatively looking forward to that.
- I am STILL recovering from the flu (still coughing, full of snot, and my voice isn’t back to 100%) and there are also stomach “flu” germs lurking around our house.
- And R has been her usual trying self. Today she woke up and the first thing she did was start SCREAMING because she was wearing owl jammies (that she picked out herself last night) and wanted dog jammies. Trying to parent an easy child with all this other stuff going on would be really difficult, trying to parent a very difficult child with all this going on might just send me to a padded cell.
Anyway, this is the reason my house is a disaster. I can’t remember the last time I cooked. I don’t have plans for any fun crafts (and Valentine’s Day is less than a month away!) I’ve been thinking of nothing of lying in bed all day and sleeping, all the while mechanically going through the motions of taking care of my tiny overlord.
As I was having a panic attack last night in bed, I asked Nate if things were ever going to get any better/ easier. I told him I couldn’t ever remember a time when things we’re ok, and that I didn’t feel like they were going to get any better. He re-assured me that we just have to battle my illnesses in a different way, and that things would get better. I’m not sure if I believe him, but dammit I am trying to!